New Year Resolutions Around the World Brace for Impact in Preparation to be Thrown out the Window

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Fireworks and gunshots could be heard around the world earlier this week as the entire world rang in the New Year. Exactly nine months from yesterday, we can expect to see a spike in births worldwide. Still, babies aren't the only things born from the renewal of the social construct. New Year resolutions across the country are born already preparing for their death.
"He still has the damn bacon in his fridge, so it's really only a matter of time. All I can do is pray," said one new resolution.

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