Sympathy is Hard Sometimes
Some of y'all are mean. Let's get that out of the way right now. This isn't for y'all. Sympathy is easy when you don't intend on having any, smh. Ya soul need some bleach...just...dark. But for the rest of us with hearts, sympathy can be hard; not to feel, but to express sincerely.
Most people have experienced some level of hardship in their lives. We go through things and come out of them changed in some way. Well, these hardships partially make us who we are and more often than not, we find that not everyone can relate to all of these experiences, which is fine. The problem comes when we try to converse with others about what we go through. This post is for the others.
My go-to sympathy phrase is "I feel you." Can't pay your rent? I feel you. Your dog just died? I feel you. Loans piling up? BAY. BEE. TRUST ME. I actually feel you. The issue here is that I don't actually feel you on 66% of your trials and tribulations. So what do you say to these folks when this happens?
I have an older brother who starred in "The Young and The Jobless" after graduating college years before I crossed that stage into unemployment. The difference is that he took a less safe route than I did, and I'm not just talking about him getting a psychology degree #BoomRoasted. One day, I'll talk about what he did, but what I did was go live with family while I look for a job. Since my mind being idle is a one-way street into insanity, I picked up new hobbies and got more into old ones.
While on the phone, we compared journeys after graduating from undergrad. I told him that making YouTube videos and writing blogs will be my hobbies now that I'm not in school and unemployed. His response was "oh yeah? Well, being unemployed was my hobby right after undergrad." Of course, I chuckled (read: laughed really hard) and said "I feel you." And y'all, he called me out. He said "no, in fact, you don't feel me." My smile was wiped from my face because I had finally been called out on my BS-laden sympathy words. I was being sincere, but expressing it just got harder with my #1 weapon against apathy being taken away from me. I then said "haha no, I understand." He then took my #2 weapon by saying "but what I'm telling you is that no, you don't understand." At that point, my on-demand arsenal had been pillaged and decimated. I was defenseless. Then I wised up.
I'm not a big Dragonball Z fan, but imagine ole dude gearing up for a spirit bomb and gathering every last bit of energy he could--that was essentially what I did. I mustered up every thought I could to throw a response back and ultimately I said to him "look, I, umm, I understand you from an 'I speak English' perspective." It was raw, it was truthful, and it was the only thing I could think of.
The feeling of sympathy is easy if you're not an @#!&*?{
Expressing it is a different story. Because do you really feel me? Do you really understand me?
Now before you say anything, yes, it's very easy to say "oh, I'm sorry" and just leave it at that. But what if you're not sorry? Well in that case, just read the first paragraph of this post again.
Most people have experienced some level of hardship in their lives. We go through things and come out of them changed in some way. Well, these hardships partially make us who we are and more often than not, we find that not everyone can relate to all of these experiences, which is fine. The problem comes when we try to converse with others about what we go through. This post is for the others.
My go-to sympathy phrase is "I feel you." Can't pay your rent? I feel you. Your dog just died? I feel you. Loans piling up? BAY. BEE. TRUST ME. I actually feel you. The issue here is that I don't actually feel you on 66% of your trials and tribulations. So what do you say to these folks when this happens?
I have an older brother who starred in "The Young and The Jobless" after graduating college years before I crossed that stage into unemployment. The difference is that he took a less safe route than I did, and I'm not just talking about him getting a psychology degree #BoomRoasted. One day, I'll talk about what he did, but what I did was go live with family while I look for a job. Since my mind being idle is a one-way street into insanity, I picked up new hobbies and got more into old ones.
While on the phone, we compared journeys after graduating from undergrad. I told him that making YouTube videos and writing blogs will be my hobbies now that I'm not in school and unemployed. His response was "oh yeah? Well, being unemployed was my hobby right after undergrad." Of course, I chuckled (read: laughed really hard) and said "I feel you." And y'all, he called me out. He said "no, in fact, you don't feel me." My smile was wiped from my face because I had finally been called out on my BS-laden sympathy words. I was being sincere, but expressing it just got harder with my #1 weapon against apathy being taken away from me. I then said "haha no, I understand." He then took my #2 weapon by saying "but what I'm telling you is that no, you don't understand." At that point, my on-demand arsenal had been pillaged and decimated. I was defenseless. Then I wised up.
I'm not a big Dragonball Z fan, but imagine ole dude gearing up for a spirit bomb and gathering every last bit of energy he could--that was essentially what I did. I mustered up every thought I could to throw a response back and ultimately I said to him "look, I, umm, I understand you from an 'I speak English' perspective." It was raw, it was truthful, and it was the only thing I could think of.
The feeling of sympathy is easy if you're not an @#!&*?{
Expressing it is a different story. Because do you really feel me? Do you really understand me?
Now before you say anything, yes, it's very easy to say "oh, I'm sorry" and just leave it at that. But what if you're not sorry? Well in that case, just read the first paragraph of this post again.
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